I finally took the time to make a video of the campus where I grew up. Boy, have I been busy these past 8 months...
I started a new role in my current company, went through an emotional roller coaster, then contemplated a ton of life stuff, and also traveled back to Taiwan for a month, which was when I was able to take these videos. But yes, let's get back to the main topic, my home.
How do I even describe how important this place means to me?
I didn't realize I grew up in a pretty unique environment until I was in my 20's. Like, I didn't know that most people didn't grow up running around in a large gated campus and had 20 other kids to play with on a daily basis. I didn't know that most people's backyard didn't overlook the most gorgeous mountains and that they never needed to worry about their kids' safety as everyone in the campus looked after one another. But yeah, that's how I grew up, and I never really appreciated my parents' impeccable taste until 10 years into my career when I started wondering why I trap myself in a glass tower 40 hours a week.
These days I started becoming more and more interested in the sights around my home town. Having one of the world's gems beneath my feet, I am determined to make the best of my time in and around Yu-Chih, Nantou whenever I travel back to Taiwan.
The Impressionable Age
I still dream of this campus almost every week. Although the subject of my dreams differ, it often takes place there. I would find myself in my childhood home, on the road walking home, or near the music hall. There's always a sense of relief too in my dream, when I realize that I am close to home.
It's this "safe" feeling that I miss. Home is a place I can relax, be myself, and enjoy whatever it is I find myself doing. Most of my memory of this place are of around the age of 12-14. Back then I was alone often, or at least, those were the experiences I remember the most. I'm always in my room, drawing, day dreaming, or reading comics. It was a time like no other, when I was still very much in touch with my imagination, and the possibilities were endless.
Another Life
But I also remember other times, like when I was much much younger.
Life was even more vivid back then.
Every drop of rain, every caterpillar I found, and every vein in a leaf just packed full of wonder. I was much more in touch with everything back then. Perhaps it's like this with everyone, and we just slowly become desensitized as we age; until one day, we live solely in our heads. At least that's the way I feel about how mine turned out to be.
Nowadays, thankfully, I relive these discoveries in my dreams from time to time. I can still feel the rain when I close my eyes, smell the cedar as it gets wet, and hear the thunder in the distance.
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A few years ago I had the opportunity to visit Taiwan and with a little bit of extra free time, I went to a few places I frequently visited when I was a child. To my surprise, instead of feeling like I've returned home I felt much more like a tourist. It was a tough realization, learning that I've in essence "lost my home".
Over the next few years I frantically looked for ways to get that feeling back. Whenever I went back to Taiwan I would visit the places I used to spend a lot of time as a child, do all the things I used to do and eat all the food I used to love. But it simply wasn't the same. The places changed only a little, but the people were gone; and most importantly I realized that I had changed, out of everything, probably even the most.
I felt like someone stranded at sea who, for the first time, realized she no longer has anything to hold on to. It was really hard to feel grounded, and I simply didn't know what to do.
Then as time went by, slowly, I realized that's just the way things are. At least it was like that for me. Because I was physically so far away from my home country, the effects were perhaps more obvious.
I still miss the kind of wonder I experienced as a child, but it's not just the place that gave me that experience, but also where I was at in life. I realized that it wasn't as much as the place the I was missing, but the people, and knowing that made me want to cherish my present more.
So eventually, I picked myself back up, and made peace with the fact that "home" will just live in my memories. I still went back to the school though, and walked the same paths. New buildings popped up, and there were many unfamiliar faces, but what's unchanged was the beauty of everything. The way the air smelled and the wind sounded was just as perfect as I remembered. I was transported back to a simpler time, and I was home.
